Am I too dumb for a smart watch?

I want a smart watch, however, I don't want any one that is either currently available or currently being crowd funded.

It's apparent that I need a fairly dumb smart watch.

Here is a list of items I would want, essentials only, with the product goal in mind to maximize battery life, be easy to use, look attractive and be functional (not necessarily in that order):


Sleep mode - have an option where as soon as you unclasp it, it goes to sleep. You or I shouldn't care if it shows who retweeted one of our stupid posts in the middle of the night when we're not wearing it. Put it on in the morning, it turns on and auto hand shakes with your phone. Watch could also sense inactivity via accelerometer if cost efficient - if the watch does not move for x minutes, it's off.

Vibration mode - user option to make it buzz once for a text message, twice for an email, multiple times for a phone call or whatever you want. It could beep, I guess, if that's what you want.

Email notification - easy enough. Same goes for text messages

Wake up alarm - would obviously have to turn off sleep mode to use it at night.

Phone call notification with one button "go to voicemail"

A 'charging plate' that allows you to simply put the watch on and it charges. No proprietary connectors (even though the charging plate would be proprietary). Micro USB? If you can make it water resistant, go for it.

Be useable as a watch without the phone.

Naturally, it must be thin and light (and cheap, as long as we're dreaming here).

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Here are some things I absolutely wouldn't want, both for the fact that I won't use them and that they will destroy the battery:

No talking through the watch on a phone call. The reason it's a 'phone call' is because you use a phone.

No streaming audio and most certainly, no streaming video.

No games. None

Oh yeah, and:
NO CAMERA FOR VIDEOCONFERNCING

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Battery life should be a week at minimum. I think with having the phone in 'sleep mode' for 1/3 of the day that this should be doable.

Thanks for reading,
@bryanhellard